Parental Freedom – An Oxymoron

 

Saturday Chris and I went on a date and watched Iron Man 2 while leaving Corbin in the capable hands of his Grandma and Grandpa Williams.  This was the first time since he was born, almost 6 weeks ago, that he has been left with someone other than Chris or me.

We dropped Corbin off, gave some instructions, and then walked out the door.  I had all the confidence in the world that he was in safe hands and would have a wonderful time.  I had no tears; I had no sadness.  Call me crazy but I was excited to be going out by ourselves.  I love our little guy, but it’s nice to have a break.

As we headed to the movie theater I was thinking “odd Corbin is not in the backseat”.  When we got out of the car I thought “weird, I don’t have a baby carrier to haul up to the building”.  As we walked into the movie (holding my delicious popcorn and icy Dr. Pepper:)  I began wondering if Corbin was being good.  (Please take note I was NOT worried that he wasn’t being cared for properly.  I was worried that if Corbin was fussy and difficult they may not want to watch him again.  Yikes, I can’t lose a babysitter already this was our first outing…oh Corbin please be an angel baby!)

I so enjoyed hanging out with Chris and watching the movie, but thoughts of Corbin and how he was doing flitted briefly in and out of my mind the whole time.  This was when I began to understand that you may be “free” of your children in the sense that they are not physically with you, but they will ALWAYS be with you in thought and you will never be free of thinking about them.  And that’s ok, but wow, what a huge revelation to have.  People tell you this, but until it’s experienced it’s really hard to understand.

For the rest of my life Corbin will always be with me in thought or presence.  I hope I really always like Corbin;)